Farquhar
"My Mind Is Like A House" (2021)
My mind is like a house. I can visualise it. It is portrayed in many forms.
Sometimes the house appears as a familiar structure.
It is a place that radiates comfort when in times of loneliness.
Welcoming. Secure. Impenetrable to intruders.
My thoughts, memories, emotions, and worries all tucked in and orderly upon the shelves in each room.
There is nothing but stillness and tranquillity.
As if I can open the windows and a summer’s breeze will begin to drift through. The aroma of freshly cut grass and daffodils engulfs me.
I can think clearly. Speak clearly. I feel reconnected to myself and the universe.
I feel inspired and grounded.
I feel at home.
But sometimes the house appears as a prison. A devastating sense of entrapment. No means for escape.
Chaos prevails as the sound of my thoughts speak all at once.
They are cluttered, scrambled, cannot be tamed.
The more I attempt to rationalise and control my thoughts, the louder and more powerful they get.
Disorientation occurs. I can no longer think or speak clearly.
I am blind within the darkness.
I feel as though there is an entity pulling me back, consuming me.
As if I am being eaten alive.
I struggle to breathe.
I feel myself begin to spiral.
Then sometimes the house appears as an empty shell. A symbol of what could have been, should’ve been, once was, or never will be.
It is crumbling and decaying from the inside out.
Nothing but the remnants of lost thoughts, memories, and time echo throughout the vacant structure. At times causing it to shudder and creek.
The dust slowly begins to cling to me, and over time, wears me down.
The walls begin to crumble and I cant recognise the danger.
There is no longer a sense of reality.
Complete disassociation to the world around me.
The longer I stay here, the more I feel myself disintegrating.
What is stopping me from burning it all to the ground?
"Head In The Clouds" (2021)
My head gets stuck in the clouds at times.
Sometimes I don’t feel completely present in conversations.
I can be so deep in thought that forget what’s going on.
It feels like the many thought bubbles floating out of my head lifts me up into the comfort of the clouds.
I struggle to come to my senses.
Sometimes the conversations I have with myself are just too enjoyable that I don’t want to return to reality.
One day I might completely lose my head and not even notice.
But reality inevitably drags me back to the ground:
Are you even listening?
Ugh here she goes again.
Don’t tell her, she should’ve been listening.
I’m sorry…
I cant focus from
all the way
up here…
"Mortality" (2021)
I cannot wrap my head around the idea of total, absolute, nothingness.
The sempiternal space where we will remain once we expire.
Our time spent in our current shell is so insignificant and temporary.
Time will continue.
It will leave and forget us.
We will live only through memories.
But even the memory our existence will soon cease to exist.
The thought of mortality haunts me every day.
Do we spend more time in nothingness than being a living, breathing entity?
Are we just hosts, a spirit?
Have I walked in the shoes of a life before mine?
Have I lived many times?
Will I live a new life once my current life come to an end?
Have I always remined on this planet?
Are there other worlds out there?
Or are we nothing more than just a brain controlling a body until we die?
Am I just trying to find comfort in death if I believe there is so much more to discover after we die?
Are our lives that meaningless?
I feel so unsettled by the unknown.
But do I really want to know the answers?
"Inner Turmoil" (2020)
What am I so worried about?
Why can’t I just speak my thoughts?
Why do I end up saying everything other than what I was thinking?
Why do I take long pauses when speaking aloud?
Why do I stutter sometimes?
Why am I so conscious of the words coming out my mouth?
Why do I always doubt what I am about to say?
Why can’t I go a single day without over-thinking?
What am I doing about this?
Do I have to change?
Do I need to work on this?
Would I not be me if I try to change?
Would I lose myself?
Could I even describe myself?
Who even am I?
"Life Is Fragile" (2020)
Handle yourself with care, life is fragile.
Remind yourself who you are.
Appreciate your body.
Protect your mind.
Drown your demons.
Allow thoughts to come and go.
Your past now resides in your memories.
Your future is unwritten and ever-changing.
Live in the present.
Cross bridges when you come to them, or burn them if you need to.
Piece yourself back together.
Time will heal your wounds.
You are like a caterpillar ready to transform.
Love whoever you want.
Learn to love yourself
Fuel your fire and desire.
Prioritise your own needs first.
Don’t let anyone dim your flame.
Find strength.
You are worth so much more than you know.
Ground yourself.
Remind yourself where you are.
Feel at home in your own body.
Breathe deeply.
Focus on your heartbeat, let its energy remind you that you are alive.
Take a moment to find beauty in the everyday.
Connect with the world around you.
Notice the rhythm of your footsteps.
Let your sweater hug you with warmth.
Muse over the many hues of the sky and the autonomy of waves.
Feel the rain kiss your face and the wind guide your way.
Acknowledge the ghosts of life which once walked before you.
Question mysteries.
Allow your mind to wonder.
Let the sun greet you good morning,
And the moon whisper you goodnight.
We exist solely just to live...
So live.